We live in an age where information is at our fingertips, yet many of us still hesitate to question the first diagnosis we receive. For decades—perhaps even generations—the message has been clear: trust your doctor. They're the experts. They've studied. They know.

But what happens when something doesn't feel right?

What if your gut is telling you to dig deeper?

This week's card from the PARDON the QUESTION Deck asks:

What is your approach to seeking second medical opinions for serious conditions?

It's a question that many avoid asking entirely, not because they don't want answers, but because they feel uncertain about how to even begin.

Or worse, they worry it might offend their doctor.

The truth? Seeking a second opinion isn't disrespectful. It's responsible. And it's far more common than you might think. Let's explore why.

Here's something most people don't realize: even the best doctors will tell you that medicine is both a science and an art. A physician's training, experience, intuition, and even the time they have available during an appointment all influence their diagnosis. Two equally qualified doctors can examine the same patient and arrive at different conclusions. That's not a failure of medicine—it's the nature of how medicine works.

Add to this the reality that we're all human. Diagnostic errors happen. Communication breaks down. Sometimes crucial information gets lost. Sometimes a patient's symptoms don't fit neatly into the expected pattern, and the search stops too early. Sometimes the first diagnosis sounds plausible enough that no one questions whether it's actually correct.

The question isn't whether seeking a second opinion is justified. The question is: why don't more of us do it?

If you're wondering whether second opinions actually make a difference, the data speaks clearly:

If you're a Baby Boomer, you likely grew up in an era when doctors were unquestioned authorities. Your trust in the medical establishment was, and may still be, implicit. The idea of seeking a second opinion might feel like a betrayal.

Generation X, on the other hand, tends to be more skeptical. You're comfortable questioning institutions. You seek information. You're also more likely to explore complementary and alternative approaches to health. Baby Boomers use CAM (complementary and alternative medicine) at higher rates than the generation before them, 43% versus 35%, and this trend will only increase as GenX ages into later years.

Whether you're the type to question everything or the type who trusts the experts, the data is clear: a second opinion can save your life, improve your quality of life, or give you peace of mind. That's worth setting aside generational tendencies.

The shame around questioning a doctor.

Many of us are afraid. Afraid of offending our doctor. Afraid we’ll sound uneducated. Afraid we'll be labeled "difficult" or distrustful. Afraid that questioning is somehow a violation of the implicit agreement we have with medical professionals: 'I'll trust you, so you be right.'

But here's what we know: the best doctors, the ones truly committed to your health, want you to ask questions. They understand that seeking a second opinion isn't about them. It's about you. Your health. Your life. Your autonomy.

And those other doctors—the ones who bristle when you mention seeing someone else? That's information too. It tells you something about how they view the doctor-patient relationship. It's worth noting.

Your intuition matters. If something doesn't feel right, if a diagnosis seems too quick or a treatment seems too extreme, if you're not getting answers—these are all legitimate reasons to seek another perspective. You don't need permission. You don't need justification. You need only to decide that your health is worth exploring more deeply.

Seeking a second opinion within conventional medicine is one thing. But what if you want to explore alternatives—acupuncture, herbal remedies, energy healing, homeopathy, or other modalities that fall outside mainstream medicine?

This is where the data becomes interesting. Baby Boomers are significantly more likely than their predecessors to explore complementary approaches—particularly for managing pain and chronic conditions. Meditation, yoga, massage, and mind-body practices are increasingly mainstream. Some are backed by scientific evidence. Others are still being studied. And some lack robust evidence but are used because people report feeling better.

The key is to approach alternative medicine the same way you'd approach any healthcare decision: with curiosity, research, and open communication with all your providers. Tell your conventional doctor what you're considering. Tell your alternative practitioner what conventional treatments you're pursuing. The best outcome comes when all your providers understand the full picture of your care.

You're not choosing between conventional medicine and alternatives. You're choosing what feels right for you, informed by evidence where it exists and by your own values and intuition where it doesn't. 

This guide is designed to help you prepare for conversations—both with yourself and with your loved ones—about seeking second opinions and taking an active role in your healthcare. Use these questions however they feel most helpful to you.

These questions are designed to help you clarify your feelings and your needs around your health decisions. Consider journaling your responses or simply sitting with each one for a few moments.

Identify situations that might be a sign that a second opinion would be helpful.

If you're the one being diagnosed or treated:

If you're encouraging an aging parent to seek a second opinion:

If you're an adult child trying to support a parent who hasn't sought another opinion:

Seeking a second opinion isn't about distrust. It's not about disrespecting your doctor's expertise. It's about honoring your own life, your own health, your own timeline, your own need for clarity and agency.

The conversations we avoid having are often the ones we most need to have. And the questions we're afraid to ask are often the most important ones.

This is what Pardon the Question is all about: giving you permission to ask, explore, and decide on your own terms. 

Pardon the Question: The Book

We're thrilled to announce that the stories, insights, and conversation guides from the Pardon the Question card deck—and this newsletter—are coming together in a comprehensive book launching in December 2025.

This book will explore the most challenging topics we avoid discussing with our families: financial planning, medical decision-making, spiritual beliefs, end-of-life wishes, and legacy planning. Each chapter includes stories, insights, and practical guidance for starting these critical conversations.

Stay tuned for more details, pre-order information, and exclusive content as we approach launch.